I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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