dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
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I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
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Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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