i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
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Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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