She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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