i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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