Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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