Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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