i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
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I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
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Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
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