I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize