so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
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Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
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I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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