who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
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he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
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You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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