I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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