You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize