My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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