I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize