She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
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Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
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am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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