if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
FUCK WHALES
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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