We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
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I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
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Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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