I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Vodka?
Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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