You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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