what day is it and did you see me today?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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