There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize