I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
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His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
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I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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