that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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