Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize