Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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