nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
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We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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