I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
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That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
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My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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