Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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