Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
being pregnant is like rehab
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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