Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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