So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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