did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize