Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
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