grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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