OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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