i just wanna soil my oats bro
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize