worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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