I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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