U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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