She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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