The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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