I met the friendliest cop last night
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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