i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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