You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
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oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
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You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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