So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize