shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
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Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
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I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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