If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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