new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
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he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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