Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize