brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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